Post by zee on Mar 25, 2010 14:49:26 GMT -5
charlotte cécile mercier.
[/color][/size][/font]eighteen - twelve - old money - marie digby
My whole life it seemed liked the people around me weren't changing at all, they always stood the same, like they were twins. Standing out would just make you seem like a complete fool in front of everybody, like you weren't anything. It seems as if you weren't able to be yourself in front of anyone, which wasn't fair at all. Sometimes i wish i had wings so i could fly away from everything, the pain, the drama, and all the tears. Everyone would look at my face and think I'm just weak and fearsome. I don't say anything about what is happening to me, because i know they all don't care. I'm not just finding out either. I cant express my feelings to anyone, i just feel like they'll all laugh at me if i do. I wish someone could hear me right now to stop this anger.
My heart always feels like its going to shatter in a million pieces, and no one will care. Not even my own parents. My family walks around every single day, money feeling up in there pockets, but what about me. I have six siblings ahead and it seems four out of six gets care. And its just me and my sister, Noël. I do care for her, but she acts as if she doesn't care about anything. She thinks of herself as an outsider, but she doesn't know half out the stress i go through everyday. I have to deal with other people teasing me and acting as if they have no heart. We never had a chance to talk to each other, but somewhere in my dreams we laugh and fly away together. But my dreams is the only thing good things could ever happen in life right now.
Getting away is not the only thing i want to do. I also have dreams of becoming a famous musician. I could sing with the birds if i wanted too. My guitarist and violinist skills are magnificent, but only if people sat down and listened they would notice how amazing i really am, and I'm not just a caged bird waiting to soar away like the others. Ive been studying famous composers from Beethoven to Tchaikovsky, and Ive been learning by my ears since i was just eleven. No one would ever guess this about me, they think I'm just a girl that will never accomplish anything. But someday ill prove them all wrong and make them believe that i could be a star. But i just have to start right now and then every body will notice the real charlotte cécile mercier.
I wonder what is it that makes people run away from me. Is it my face, the way i act, or what people think of me at first glance? I feel as if every time i walk into a full room, eyes are always faced on me. Its like everyone pushes me into the distance. I have no friends and everyone ignores me. So why look at me? Your just encouraging me to hate myself even more. Do they ever think before they say these things about me? If i could reach out to everyone and tell them my soul desire, would it hurt for them to listen just once. My grandmother died, this be the reason i will not ever say anything to a soul. She was the only person who cared for me, gave me things and half of the times she even took me away to be with her.
She was the only friend i ever had, i don't think i will feel something that powerful again. My question is, will i ever learn to love. But i know ill always have her in my heart, and pray that she never will run away.
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